PB Jenny

This afternoon I stumbled across my old blog

Just realized that my last post was published exactly one year ago from today.

#chills

As I read through old posts, I was overcome with a mixture of emotions

Amusement by how pathetic my photography was

Pained by how small my meals were

bowl of oatmeal with less than half a banana? I hope this was just a breakfast appetizer, but somehow I know that’s not the case.

But, at the same time, impressed with myself for the progressive strength that I gained through the more recent posts. That’s the wonderful thing about blogging, right? It allows you to relive your past.

There was one post in particular that I adored and really wanted to re-publish here. It was one in which I reminisced about the most memorable time in my life. A time where I felt that I just lived on impulse, I smiled from my soul, I was free, empowered, uninhibited.

Reading this post really helped me to reevaluate the person that I’ve become over the past few years. Though in some ways I feel as though I’ve changed for the better, there’s another part of me that feels as though I’ve lost the carefree and spirited part of myself that made life so enjoyable.

I want to find her again.

~~

Whenever I think of high school, the most prevalent memories that stick out in my mind are from the fall of my junior year. This was a time before I became immersed in my eating disorder. This was a time when perhaps I wasn’t 100% comfortable in my own skin, but I was 100% confident in who I was in a person. Looking back at that period now I see a whole different girl.

I see a girl who was uninhibited

Yeah, that’s a pillow in my belly. I wasn’t that uninhibited.

I see a girl who danced and didn’t care who was watching

I see a girl who wasn’t afraid to look ugly and imperfect

…clearly.

I see a girl who laughed from her soul…

…and smiled from her heart

I see a girl who loved herself enough to fall in love with someone else.

Simply stated, I lived. I was happy. Genuinly happy. That is the girl that I strive to be again.

What’s the most memorable time in your life?

Is there a period in which you can recall being completely uninhibited and content with yourself? (I hope many of you can say that time is now!)

~~

Sheesh, things have gotten pretty serious around here over the past few days. I promise to overwhelm you with enough obnoxiously throughtless posts later this week Deal?

For more posts, please visit www.peanutbutterjenny.com!